30

I'm now officially 30. 30 was my ideal age of getting married. I always tell those who ask me when am I going to settle down is when I'm 30. That was a bust. It's been almost a week since I celebrated my birthday and it has been a roller coaster of emotions for me ever since.

It was the first time that I cried over a guy. I cried over a guy that isn't even my boyfriend. It's like I had a sudden surge of emotions that welled up inside me, the frustrations of not being with him, my confusion on why he's doing this to me and just wishing that my affection and time was spent to another guy that's really worthy of me.

30 also comes with a realization that I had been so sheltered. I'm still living in fairyland. Time is now a luxury that I can barely afford. I realize that I have to set my priorities straight. Should spent time building relationships rather than more time for myself.

I am a person that's constantly on a diet. But because of poor will power and emotional eating I always fail. I have to focus on being healthy. And ok, I'm motivated on what's his reaction's gonna be. Heartbreak is a good motivation. I learned that before and I think I can make it work. Last year was really toxic to me. Losing someone, my mom being sick, work being toxic and parting with friends really took a toll on me. I may not show it but I was really hurt by all this.

People seem to expect on me to keep on smiling. I'm the idiot that still keeps on the facade that everything is all right. Well it's not. I hate being happy now then the next day feeling sad and lonely. This year I vow to stop this instability. "Focus on myself and the people that do value me," would be my mantra for this year. Hoping for the best.